The mind of a college instructor..

I am really enjoying my summer job. Really, I am. But as with all teaching gigs, some questions, regardless of the learner’s educational level keep popping up. And yes, my answers are always the same.

“Um, did I miss anything last week?”
Of course not, buddy. We just sat around and played rocks/paper/scissors.

“Um, do you have my make-up work?”
Of course I do. I just keep a file folder on every single one of my students for each of my five courses this term and when you are absent I put your notes, make-up work, and a five dollar bill inside it to let you know that coming to class is pointless.

“I’m sorry, but I just don’t understand. So, what are we supposed to doing, exactly?”
Oh, don’t worry. I don’t mind explaining again the assignment we have been working on for the past three course meetings. It’s no problem at all. Again, you are the priority here and making your life easier is why I breathe. My repetition of the same information for the fourth time is a pleasure if it results in your academic success.

And yes, laughter usually follows. But when it doesn’t…

“I was only asking, Mr. Kirk. You know, your sarcasm and attitude don’t make learning this bullspit any easier. It’s hard up in here. This class is hard, pointless, and don’t nobody want be up in here.”
Yeah, I know, right.

“Uh… why you looking at me like that, Mr. Kirk? Like I’m stupid or something?”
Pardon me, but I am simply looking at you. If you don’t like the way I am looking, I am sorry. God made my face. If you have problems with my face, please consult the NIV version of the bible for an understandable explanation of why I am looking at you like I am.

And by then, yes, laughter usually follows. But when it doesn’t

I’m sorry. I was just playing.

Until I become English chair at my college,
-Zack Kirk

The Paper Pusher (club e thanks me!)

As many know, I am an adjunct at a local college. During the course of this summer, I was asked to take on additional classes and happily accepted.

Today, when I walked into the copy room, I found four stacks of copied PowerPoint notes. Each stack was copied on one side and had about 14 sheets of paper. Each packet of information consisted of notes that were being presented during class and that was also found within the student textbooks.

What in the world is this instructor thinking? Why in the world is this instructor wasting so much paper?

According to the web site, Paper University, Americans used more than 90 million tons of paper each year. Our nation is also the leading paper producer in the world. The waste of paper perturbs me because it represents a lack of consideration for the environment, the educational institution, and most importantly, the students.

I am not a peace, love, and the environment kind of guy. I am not riding around with go-green bumper stickers, watching Meerkat Manor each week, but I am concerned about foolish waste. Using inordinate amounts of paper represents a financial waste to the college. In terms of our students, which student wants to collect over 120 pages of notes per week? Who has that kind of space in a binder, when the same information is presented in a text book?

Until the next paper waster gets metaphorically crushed into pulp and recycled,

-Zack Kirk

I am glad I did not illegally migrate to Canada...

On November 2, 2004 (one day before my birthday) President George Bush was re-elected President. And it was on that day, I seriously thought about packing my bags and moving to Canada. And I was not the only one planning a move. Numerous Americans were angered and outraged that a fraudulent leader, who had lied and deceived the American people, could win re-election. So, I thought about illegally migrating to Canada.

As a whole, Canada is viewed as cleaner country, more wholesome and spacious. With free medical care to all citizens (and free bicycles to all citizens in some provinces, believe it or not), Canada stands as a liberal and progressive beacon of light.

At the height of early 21st century, anti-Bush, American expatriate thought, American editorialists Andrew and Judith Kleinfeld wrote a brilliant article in the July 19, 2004 issue of the Wall Street Journal. Comparing Canadian culture to American culture, the Kleinfeld’s quoted Canadian sociologist Kaspar Naegele: "In Canada there seems to be greater acceptance of limitation, of hierarchical patterns. There seems to be less optimism, less faith in the future, less willingness to risk capital or reputation."
Canadians frown on rule-breakers, boat-rockers, and radical free-thinkers. Hmmm…. I’m glad I did not illegally migrate to Canada.
I am glad I did not illegally migrate to Canada because in America, I had the opportunity to cast a primary vote for Barack Obama. Like Michelle, I too am proud to be an American because it is a country where a black man, or any member of a marginalized minority group, can realistically aspire to be president. I mean, really, it is a country where a 72 year old, two time loser, can realistically aspire to be president. I am sure this would never happen in Canada.

I am glad I did not illegally migrate to Canada because in America we eat French fries covered in ketchup, while in Canada they eat French fries covered in brown gravy with cottage cheese sprinkled on top. It’s called poutine. Sounds appetizing? Um, thanks, but I’ll pass on the poutine.

I am glad I did not migrate to Canada, because that is the native land of Dave Coulier and Alanis Morriesette and they have always freaked me out a little. Uncle Joey was always a little too Pee-Wee Hermanish in my eyes (no offense intended, Mr. Reubens).

And what good is red and white without a little blue thrown in, anyway? Oh, and sometimes, its really cold there too. And when all else fails, I can still blame Canada.

Of course this would happen to me...

My barber got arrested while cutting my hair.
I could not believe it.

I am sitting in the chair and four sheriff deputies come in.

My barber goes outside and comes back, announcing that the police are here to arrest him for missing child support payments.

Instead of stopping in the middle of the cut, my barber kept cutting. Shaking and holding back tears, my barber cut my hair.

I thought that I should tell him to stop, to go handle his business and not to worry about my hair. That was my first instinct. But did I do as Oprah has advised me to do MY ENTIRE LIFE? Of course not. Instead, I sat there, passively holding my hands together, hoping for the best.

For the first time in my life, I have waves. The only thing is, the waves are not in my hair, but are across my hair and face line.

Another one bites the dust!

Another meerkat leader has gone on to the great beyond.

The Whisker family of meerkats has captivated audiences for three seasons. When leader and matriarch, Flower Whisker died violently at the hands (err.. fangs?) of a cobra, viewers mourned the loss. Now, Rocket Dog and Maybelline, the daughters of Flower, have jockeyed for power, with Rocket Dog coming out on top. Unfortunately, her rule came to a screeching halt with what some have deemed a hit and run accident.

Yes, Rocket Dog Whisker was run over in a car. Hell, I may have been driving the car. I never stop for animals. If the beast is stupid enough to run out in front of Frankie the Frontier, then the beast is stupid enough to die! I am sure that whoever ran over Rocket Dog kept it moving. Maybe dinner had to be prepared or the next episode the The Real World was getting ready to start. What is a meerkat when compared to a hungry child or a drunken Joey?

Amazingly, some people have a greater affinity for animals than they do for people. Flowers death received an actual memorial service. Some activist questioned why Animal Planet employees did not intervene when the snake entered into the Meerkat's borough or when the car ran over Rocket Dog. I guess. All creatures great and small, huh?

Until the Maybelline becomes road kill…

-Zack Kirk

The Z-Ko BET Awards version of "Lookin Boy"

Every year, numerous awards show attempt to recognize the accomplishments of the
entertainment industry and feed the super star starved masses. This year, as the song, “Lookin Boy” by HotStylz heats up the airwaves, I decided to bust my own rhyme style (okay, it doesn’t really rhyme, but you know what I mean….)

Chris Brown- too much bronzer, faux-mohawk, fronting like you date Rhianna, when you know… looking boy…

D.L. Hugely- not funny, has been comedian, wish you was Chris Rock looking boy…

Keisha Cole- why you on an elevated podium, dress and make-up don’t match, ridiculous background, Tammy Faye eyelashes looking girl.

Alicia Keys- need trim spa baby, Selisha biting bob from ANTM, Tarrance Howard looking boy.

Ne-Yo- Usher wanna be, did better than him though, Alpha Phi Alpha move stealing, twelve year old looking boy.

Rick Ross- circus elephant to match the scene, wearing all that purple, Barney looking boy.

Kanye- protruding grill, attention seeking, why you get a massage from lil wayne, looking boy.

Rhianna- lying about Chris Brown, you need to take a bow cause we all getting tired of you, psycho killer, in mourning Barbie looking girl.

Marvin Sapp- mistaken for Warren Sapp, not gonna talk about you and let got God get me looking boy…

Oh well.. that’s my attempt at rhyming, yo…

Until teachers make as much as rappers…
-Zack Kirk

The Passover?

This has not been the best week ever.

Last year, during the 2006-2007 academic term, I requested a transfer from my current school to a new system school. The main reason for the transfer was a desire to become department chair. While I was granted a transfer, I was not given the department chair position. The position went to a teacher with more experience. While I had more degrees, and maybe more curricular experience, I understood the decision to go with work experience.

Well, last week, I was once again denied a department chair position. My current school (my first and only school) had an opening, but the job immediately went to my co-worker and friend. While I was not informed of the reasons as to why I was not given the position, I have an idea. After careful contemplation I have learned some very valuable lessons.


Lesson One: Learn how to keep your mouth shut when drama arises.
Lesson Two: Learn who your real friends are.
Lesson Three: Learn that your boss is your boss. Support the boss’s vision or quit!
Lesson Four: Learn when its time to move on.
Lesson Five: Learn how to embrace change.

I love our new department chair. She is my friend and I am going to support her with all of my might. She was doubtful about accepting the position, but I know in my heart that she is the best person for the job at my school. The need for a peacemaker is greater than the need for what I bring to the table. The need for someone to bring the members of my department together is greater than the need for what I bring to the table. I realize this and accept this. I am still disappointed in the process and my faith in the system is shaken. The upcoming school year offers no excitement for me. I am worried about my future.

Until I learn how to move on,
-Zack Kirk