Grief Daybook II by Carol Ann Davis (A Memory Poem for You)

There are panels of sky

as good as forgotten,

Evans' gelatin folds of Florida

circa 1934. The line of sky is dark at first

where the gulf lifts it,

then comes to me like a halo

around the palm tree with its neck bent,

its spray of branches leaning out of frame

as if to flee. Its roots pull

at sand, as if to say,

this is what it takes.

I'd believe, if not for the way

my breath catches,

if not for the wild faint

sleep's become. The palm's branches

are spears left

where they've fallen

in the dirty sand, too heavy

for the tide to take them. Where the neck bends,

cut branches—like stubble on a chin

as seen from below—seem to ask

something of the photographer,

something not washed away

in the chemical bath. The shadow of the trunk

just underlines—means to prove the existence

of the world. It's three o'clock

and the latticework of 1934
is pulling around me in this light

as if to say my god, my god,

a hymn sung by infidels to believers

as a way to ask for water.

Carol Ann Davis

The Weekly Geography of my Life

After a brief hiatus, my weekly (ok, um… bi-monthly) blog about the events of my week is back. Hopefully, it will become a more frequent part of the blogosphere.

The Mountain: The highlight of my week has been collecting money for our school’s annual Christmas community service project. The project, sometimes called Christmas Kids, or Project Christmas Kids or Operation Christmas Kids, or the Christmas Kids Initiative (I REALLY wish someone would just give the project a real name), is when classrooms throughout my school adopt underprivileged youth from the community and provide them with the various items on their Christmas wish list. Each year, I strive to adopt five children (one kid per class). This year, however, I accepted responsibility for seven kids (two families). The deadline to collect money is Friday, December 7 and I already have almost $700. Hopefully we will reach my target goal of $1400.

The Valley: The low point of the week is my ongoing cold. Just when I thought it was gone, surprise- sniffles was back in full effect. It’s me, sniffles! I am actually going to the doctor on Thursday and will hopefully be given something to stop this awful post-nasal drip.

This week:

I am reading: We Were the Mulvaneys

I am listening to: Christmas CDs! As much as I hate to admit it, I am a fan of Christmas music. Christina Aguilera, John Legend, and Mariah Carey all have Christmas CDs that are in heavy rotation. My favorite Christmas song:

I am watching: The television screen collect dust! There is nothing on television that’s worth watching!

The Exploitation of Pretty

I first heard about the participation of former MSU alumni, Juan McCullum, in the reality television series, I Love New York 2, this past summer. Initially, I was surprised that Juan would participate in such a program, but I quickly saw the shrewdness of this decision. A current student at Mississippi College’s School of Law, Juan has big dreams and starring on I Love New York 2 is a step in making those dreams a reality.

Since starring in the program, numerous bloggers and myspacers and facebookers have made comments about Juan. I feel as though I would be remiss if I did not comment on the man I knew while attending MSU.

Juan McCullum is a power-house of ambition and determination—pure and simple. He’s a fellow Scorpio, so in many ways, it is expected. Juan is also a fierce and savvy competitor. Former Vice-President of the MSU Student Association, and MSU Resident Assistant, Juan was involved at MSU and laid a great foundation for future students of color. Attached in a link from the MSU Reflector that details Juan’s platform while running for school office in 2004: http://media.www.reflector-online.com/media/storage/paper938/news/2004/03/26/News/Juan-Mccullum.Profile-2538036.shtml

From an honest perspective, the thing that riles me most about the numerous attacks on Juan’s character is I personally know how difficult it was for him to successfully navigate life at Mississippi State. Juan did what only four other students of color were able to do in my time as a bulldog and that is win a school-wide election.

While Mississippi State (and Mississippi in general) is nothing like the stereotypical portrayals perpetuated in films like Mississippi Burning, self-segregation and both classist and racial (not racist) thinking still dominate the social decisions of some. All students at MSU may bleed maroon and white (I do, too) but some still see things in black and white.

A former president of the Black Student Association and former Opinion editor of the school newspaper, I made the identification of these racial issues a primary focus and was overjoyed the day Juan, another African American made student, won VP of SA. I supported Juan then and I support Juan now.

From what I understand Juan may have desires to be a model or act. With his fierce determination and tenacity, I am sure he will achieve this goal and I will be supporting him still.

Resting

The start of the holiday season is finally here. While many of my fellow bloggers are hitting the road to be with family and friends, I always take the Thanksgiving holiday as a time to catch up on my self.

Thanksgiving always comes at the perfect time. I am exhausted: physically, emotionally, and mentally. I needed this break desperately.

Over my week, I watched Oprah and Project Runway. I overdosed on news and magazines and Fruity Peebles. I saw American Gangster.
I finished reading American Pastoral.

I am now reading We Were the Mulvaneys by Joyce Carol Oates.

I plan to sleep in (as I have done each day). Grade something (I have stacks and stacks of essays to plow through). Watch the Green Bay Packers whip up on the Lions and jump from house to house, eating whatever looks most delicious.

My friends Jason and Maria are hosting game night at their house after dinner and I plan to end the day there. I am bringing “Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?” and a bottle of Riesling.

This thanksgiving, I am very thankful for many things, but I can honestly say I most thankful for a moment to simply lie down and rest.

New Rain

I work the rice fields with my mother.
Father works cane.
We wait for the rain, praying
and hoping for full heavy clouds.
It will come and we will dance
and we will be new like the rain.

When the rain comes, we will rejoice.
We will have revival at the Apostolic church
down by the creek.
We will shout Halleluiah! Praise God!
and then cry out to Jesus to be saved.

Our fathers will come home and machetes will be
placed in leather sheaths on the shelves
by our pictures of Aristade.
Our mothers will be happy,
give us sugar rags and candied spoons.

We will have carnivals in the streets.
We will sing Creole, not French.
Our grandfathers will beat the voodoo drums,
our sisters will shake rattles, and our
brothers will blow bamboo trumpets.

Our mothers will fry yams and plantains in coconut oil.
We will drink rum and eat papaya slices.

Rain will fall in heavy drops and kiss our dancing heads.
We will shout and scream and play.
We will delight in the rain.
We will dance in it, eat it.

But rain comes slowly
moving hard like suns.
Clouds won’t break.
Thunder won’t sound.
We beat the drums, say our prayers,
but clouds won’t break
and days go on and on.
The rice is hard and hurts, but must be harvested.
There is no rest, no dancing, no delight.

There are no yams and plantains, no heavy chickens.
Just rice and cane and ground corn meal.

But the rains will come and we will dance
and we will be new like the rain.

A thought...

I am working on a new poem, but until it is ready for posting, I thought I would share a great poem I found yesterday on poem.com.

Mine

Pain trains an undisciplined mind.

I will end yours if you end mine.
Little feet, little feet are playing Hopscotch among the landmines.
Hope has worked miracles before.

If yours didn't, how can mine?
I could have learned to welcome night,

If only you had been mine.
How dare you put words in God's mouth, Shail?

Why not. He put ashes in mine.
by

Shail D. Patel

Hurricane Homecoming

When the sun shines, we’ll shine togetherTold you I'll be here foreverSaid I'll always be a friendTook an oath I'ma stick it out till the endNow that it's raining more than everKnow that we'll still have each otherYou can stand under my umbrella
-Rhianna

Incredible. The amount of work that comes with my choices causes me to think- incredible. I work at an average sized school. With just over 1,000 students and about 120 faculty and staff members, my school should be a fun and enjoyable place. Sad to say that when I started there six years ago, the most disappointing aspect of the job was the lack of school spirit and “fun things” for kids to do. Instead of simply thumbing my nose and reflecting on my high school days, I decided to jump in and do my part.

Well, unfortunately, my part kept growing and growing. I became yearbook/newspaper/literary magazine teacher/advisor first and then took on class sponsorship. I then was asked to teach drama and coach the academic team. While I no long teach drama, I am still drama club sponsor and am responsible for the school’s one-act competition.

I can liken this past week to a hurricane. Torrents of papers to grade, gusts of student attitude up to fifty feet, and I swear I was hit with several bolts of lightening shot from various administrators and parents. The worst part is that I feel as though the storm is just gearing up to simply shift directions. I think I am in need of a tropical depression right about now.

Let me recap my week:


Wednesday- While I would have loved to be at home for my favorite night of television, I did not leave work until eight. I had play practice and Homecoming Hallway decoration planning.

Thursday- Homecoming Hallway decorations and shopping for the senior tailgate and Homecoming dance ate up this day. Afterward, I went to see a local school’s performance of Fortress. I really loved the play!

Friday- Again, we had play practice and hallway decorations and following all of that, my senior class had a tailgate for our first football game.

And today was our Homecoming Hallway Decoration day. The seniors started at 6:30 and ended at 4:00! Each class competes with Homecoming decorations, class banners, a float, spirit link sales, and a powderpuff game.

Yes, the storm rages on, but I can handle it. I teach some great kids and they have me covered with their Umbrella (shout out “07!).

I became a teacher because I love my content area and because I love helping people realize that they are infinitely larger than they realize. We have no boundaries other than those that we impose on ourselves and I guess I realize this now more than ever.

September 08, 2007- The Weekly Geography of my Life

The Mountain: The hands down highlight of this week has been working with my One Act cast. Performing the play, Catholic School girls, I am fortunate enough to work with seven amazingly talented young women who are dedicated to this performance. The practices are inspiring to say the least. I have no idea how we will fare in competition, but our public performance on November 1 should not be missed.

The Valley: I am exhausted. I am tired beyond belief and I have not been able to get rested. There is a problem. Maybe I have restless leg syndrome.

This week:
I am reading: Still reading American Pastoral by Philip Roth. The book is awesome thus far, but I have yet to truly get into it. I love Philip Roth, so I am saving the bulk of the novel for next week’s vacation.I am listening to: Brittany Spear’s new single, Gimme More. Yes, “I still believe, too (for Elizabeth in Catholic School Girls)” and I am hoping Brittany can beat the odds and make a comeback.

I am watching: Papers pile up all around me. I have so many papers to grade and work to file that I could not watch anything of worth last week.
I am looking forward to: Next week is a week off from school. I am having a “work-day, catch-up day” on Thursday, but I am in desperate need of rest and relaxation!

Emo Kirk

Loving is an ordinary act
like running bath water
or cutting green blades of grass.
These feelings can lead to more—
a towering explosion of ice.

There are arms wrapped in lace,
and rose petals on sleeping eyes.

I am going insane with rage.

I’ll love you—
hurl myself down 1000 flights.
I’ll love you—
fling myself in great light.

I won’t let go-
pull your head underwater.
We’ll see starfish, glowfish,
and long, electric eels.

Kissing is an ordinary act
like paint peeling or blood clotting.
Ash falls after war.
It blankets what remains.

I’ll kiss you—
wash your hair, your hands, and your feet;
I’ll live for you and your low voice of love
and for you I’ll be and be and be.

Kissing is an ordinary act
like living and breathing and dying alone.
Love eats from the inside out,
taking its time to inhibit what would otherwise heal.

I’ll walk alone, never look back.
I’ll sing loudly, scream and shout.
I’ll die for you, your touch, your words.
I’ll die for you, the chance to be eaten alive,
even if it means I’ll die alone,
even if it means I’ll never heal.

Love will eat me alive.

August 28- The Weekly Geography of My Life

The Mountain: What a long week this has been! The new school year is in full blast and it feels as if I am already struggling to stay afloat. The highlight of this week was seeing several of my former students stop by before heading off or going back to college. Candaice, Krystal, Maryann, Tiffany, Elizabeth, Mitchell, and Imari all made my week a little better! One of the greatest rewards of being a teacher is seeing your former students well-prepared for college.

The Valley:
Atlanta has had some sporadic weather this week. Wednesday-Sunday- Each day bore witness to some blisteringly hot days that burst forth with torrential downpours. And to think Oklahoma Republican Senator James Inhofe says global warming is a hoax.

This week:I am reading: American Pastoral by Philip Roth
An American classic!
I am listening to: Cartel’s self-title new album!I am watching: Yeah, still Top Chef (Go Hung- especially since Tre’s gone!)I am ready for next week because: It’s a four day work week and I need a nap… a really long one!

Back in the day when I was young, I'm not a kid anymore...

17 August 2007- The Weekly Geography of my Life

August 17- The Weekly Geography of My Life
The Mountain- With two weeks well into the school year, I am finally able to steal some time to myself and do what I love the most- write. It’s sad that I don’t force more time for my own personal intellectual pursuits. This academic year, my personal goal is to make more personal time. The highlight of this week has been my essay writing, or perhaps essay grading, productivity. I have evaluated a grand total of 322 student essays in the past two weeks. I know it seems insane, but this year I have actually used my planning period and early morning arrivals to work to grade essays. This year my policy is to return all student writing within 48 hours. Thus far, it has been 24 hours on each piece of writing. It is my sincere belief that students need in-depth, extensive feedback on their writing in order to truly improve and that students only truly heed writing feedback when it is timely and when they are forced to evaluate the writing and how it has been assessed.

The Valley- Alas, morale at my school seems low. Many of my colleagues are in a funk and it seems hard to get people excited about a new year. The air is out in most of the building (yes, I know, it’s one hundred degrees out) and we are under new leadership. My morale is high because I have some really great kids, but I feel for my peers.

This week:
I am reading: The Nubian Prince by Juan Bonilla
The novel is solid so far. I am not knocked off my feet, but the novel is a translation. I am sure it is probably better in its native tongue. About a man who works recruiting escorts for the world’s most expensive escort service, the protagonist, Moises Froissard thinks he is saving lives. The novel explores some complex inner conflicts and the true results of many good intentions.
I am listening to: Common’s Finding Forever
I am watching: Top Chef (Go Hung!)

I am ready for next week because: I am ready for some football! Our high school’s first game is against our biggest county rivals, Dutchtown, and the energy is always high for the first game.

Michael Vick is in the Doghouse!

Michael Vick said he is not guilty of competitive dog fighting and other federal violations associated with the dog kennel, Bad Newzz Kennels located on his property in Surry County, Virginia.

I, for one, say let the man have his day in court.

The topic of Michael Vick’s alleged wrong-doing has been plastered all over the news and almost everyone I know, Falcon’s fan or not, has an opinion concerning Vick’s guilt. Few people have approached the issue from the perspective that it is the court’s job to decide Vick’s guilt, not the media.

Atlanta sport fans are notoriously fickle and that is evidenced in our view and treatment of Michael Vick. The name Michael Vick is a part of brand Atlanta, but that does not mean the man Michael Vick is a product we can sale, make a profit from, and then discard. Without Michael Vick, the Atlanta Falcons would have had no super star and no majorly-endorsed Athlete.
If Michael Vick is truly guilty of competitive dog fighting, he deserves the penalty for his wrongdoing. He should make amends with his fans by financially supporting the animal rights movements and he should publicly apologize, but I do not think we, his once fans and supporters, should be so quick to dismiss his ability or his contributions to the Falcons. Atlanta needs Michael Vick more than Michael Vick needs Atlanta.

Zack Kirk Presents: The (Weekly) Geography of My Life

The Mountain (Highlight of the Week): This week was spent in College Board training for experienced teachers of AP Language and Composition. The training was not very relevant, but I did meet some wonderful people. This is especially true of Beth Knappenberger (North Carolina) and Janis Little (Tennessee). The highlight of my week was meeting these wonderful teachers and sharing in the teaching and learning experience with them.

The Valley (Lowpoint of the week): On Thursday, after training, I drove to my school and met with my principal about a Homecoming Dance. At my school, we have never had a homecoming dance and it looks like we won’t have one this year either. Citing bumping and grinding and mosh-piting as reason for declining my request as senior sponsor, I did all I could to make him realize that high school is about more than just academics. My pleas, however, were to no avail. Homecoming Dance 2008 ain’t happening this year!

This week:
I am reading: On Chisel Beach by Ian McEwen
I am listening to: Amerie’s Take Control
I am watching: The New Adventures of Old Christine
I recently discovered The New Adventures of Old Christine which stars Julia Louis Dreyfous and Wanda Sykes. If you have not checked out the show, do so on Monday. It is hilarious.

I am ready for next week because: I am going to see the play adaptation of Toni Morrison’s The Bluest Eye which will debut in conjunction with the National Black Arts Festival. Every year the NBAF is a highlight in the city, but it is not every year I have money to enjoy the festivities. Teaching summer school definately has its monetary rewards.

The Politics of Fear Strike Again!

Once again, the United States is under the threat of a terror alert. According to recently reported news, United States officials are concerned about terror training cells in Pakistan. Odd that this new threat would suddenly find its way into the news with President Bush’s approval rating so low and the Republican party struggling to hold on to its base.

Too often, in the past, the Republican Party has used the politics of fear to win elections.

The citizens of the United States, I genuinely hope, are too savvy in 2007 to fall for the same ploy twice.

President Bush’s approval with the American people is low with good reason. As reported by Susan Page in last Monday’s USA Today, no modern president in history has left so much unfinished business for his successor. The war in Iraqi is not going away anytime soon, and most Americans are more than aware of how much we have invested in Iraq. While many of us accept that as the burden Bush has placed on our backs, many of us are unaware of the domestic issues our nation will deal with. Medicare, tax-cuts, the rising deficits, and America’s role in an increasingly competitive Global economy are also issues Bush’s successor will have to address.
A republican president and the republican party’s blind faith in this president created this situation. Hopefully, this is something America has come to realize and will not forget.

My Favorite Wife!

I limit my television viewing to one hour a day, excluding news, so the programs I watch (usually on DVR) are carefully chosen. With a television schedule that includes The Singing Bee, Next Best Thing, and So You Think You Can Dance, selecting one program a night to watch and follow faithfully should not be a difficult task, but quality programming is hard to find.

Thank God for HBO and Big Love.

With the demise of such quality dramas like Six Feet Under and The Sopranos, I was afraid that I would lose mandatory drama watching.

If you have not watched the program, the series revolves around polygamist, Bill Henrickson, his three wives, and their combined seven children living in Utah.

As stated on HBO (http://www.hbo.com/biglove/about/index.html):
As if juggling three wives weren't tricky enough, Season Two of Emmy®- and Golden Globe®-nominated 'Big Love' finds modern polygamist Bill Henrickson (Bill Paxton) tackling problems outside his three-house suburban home. As a failed expansion and a suspicious employee entangle his work at Henrickson Home Plus, Bill races to find the person responsible for outing his wife Barb (Jeanne Tripplehorn) as a polygamist at Utah's Mother of the Year ceremony. Meanwhile, back at the fundamentalist Juniper Hill compound, prophet Roman Grant (Harry Dean Stanton) sets his sights on Bill's brother Joey (Shawn Doyle) as leverage to regain a share of the family business. Throw a pregnant Margene (Ginnifer Goodwin) and an overcompensating Nicki (Chloe Sevigny) into the mix, and Bill won't be getting much sleep at any of his houses. Bold, funny and wholly original, Big Love continues to explore the evolving institution of marriage through this typically atypical family.

I don’t believe in the principal of pluralism, but I am pleased that a show exists that has the fortitude to discuss such a controversial topic and the clever writing to do so in a tasteful and admirable manner

My favorite wife, hands down, is Nicolette. Played by academy award nominee, Chloe Savigny, Nicki is hilarious.

Margie: (half asleep) Where's Nicki?

Bill: What??Margie: It's Nicki's night. You gotta go.(Bill sneaks through the house, across the backyard and up to Nicki's bedroom.)

Nicki: Honey, what are you doing here?

Bill: It's our night!

Nicki: It was. Didn't you get my message? See the Post-It?

Bill: Post-It?

Nicki: I traded with Barb

Nicki: (about Barb) Do you think she's happy for me? About the baby?

Margie: Of course. She loves babies. Sometimes I think she wishes my boys were hers.

Nicki: Sometimes I think they wish the same thing.

Nicki: I love you, Bill.

Bill: I love you, too.

Nicki: How much?

Bill: I say it's astronomical, beyond all measure.

Nicki: I have $58,000 in debt.

Every Monday night (or Tuesday if I watch Making the Band or The New Adventures of Old Christine) will be tuned in faithfully. Make mine HBO.

The Fruits of Our Labor?

As a teacher of Advanced Placement Language and Composition, the almighty AP exam looms large at the beginning of each school year.

Before each school year begins, weeks are spent in training, developing course outlines, and revising the mistakes of the past. Once school starts, from the first day to the last, preparation for the AP exam takes place daily. Every single day of the course is spent preparing students for a test that proves more rigorous than any freshman English course in the United States.

This year, my students read two independent novels of their choice, The Life of Pi, The Scarlet Letter, Beloved, Ethan Frome, The Awakening, The Great Gatsby, Night Mother, Song of Solomon, and Raisin in the Sun. They wrote one research paper, two literary criticism papers, twelve out of class essays with revisions, five complete practice tests (with a total of 15 essays included within those tests) five journal entries per week, and more timed writes than I can recall. I know this is an inordinate amount of work to require of students. Even worse, it is an insane amount of work to require of any teacher to grade.

And it was all done in preparation for the almighty AP exam.

Exceptionally difficult multiple choice questions and three essays, one of which requires formatting, citing, and the incorporation of sources, all done within time restraints are more than asked of any undergraduate English major. The thought of all of this being done for just three credit hours of entry-level college composition is ridiculous.

The greatest tragedy in this situation lies in the fact some of the students came into the class woefully behind the mark. Scoring below the recommended forty-five percentile on the PSAT and having low grades in previous English classes, some of the students really did not have a fighting chance. Other students entered the course with absolutely no idea of the high level of work, rigor, and expectations needed for success in an AP class.

Across the country, the “non-profit” College Board advocates that all students take at least one AP course. Well, at the price of each test, this is not a surprise. The “non-profit” College Board also advocates that any student, regardless of prior ability, be given a chance to take an AP course.

I agree that all students deserve to be challenged. I agree that all students should be in classes ripe with rigor and relevance. However, what mandates that this should only occur in AP classes? Shouldn’t this be every single class where college-bound students are enrolled? How did College Board and AP come to patent high expectations for students?

Amazingly, my students defied expectations and did exceedingly well. 76% of my students passed this impossible test.

And what does this mean, exactly? Well, I don’t know. Personally, it means that its time to get started again. The year is over and in just three weeks, the new year will kick off with a bang.